Why I feel like One Lucky Mama
As soon as I found out I was pregnant I wanted to record my experiences in a blog. Not because I think I am so special that everyone needs to know about me, but because I feel so lucky that I want to share my experiences. It took me 4 months to get this blog started because I was so very sick the first trimester and part of the second. Now, at 20 weeks, I am feeling mostly better and the baby is still healthy.
After so many years of struggling with PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome), I was really wondering if I would ever have a baby. My husband James and I had only been married since September, but I had gone through infertility treatments with my ex as well as surgery meant to remove serious cysts from my fallopian tubes and correct some of the problems with my ovaries. I had swallowed tons of pills, had painful medical tests and interventions, charted my temperatures, taken handfuls of herbs, prayed, researched, and cried. All to see the same result month after month and year after year. Each time my period was late or I felt a little funny I’d take yet another pregnancy test. Each time one lonely line would send me to tears.
I was actively trying to chart my fertility signs in January, like each of the previous 3 months, but my temperatures were all over the place so I gave up on temps and focused on other signs. Usually if I ovulate, it is pretty obvious -pain in my right ovary, tons of CM, etc. Day 12 of my cycle I started looking for signs. Nothing, days 14, 15, 16 and so on clicked by. On day 22 I chalked this up to a non-ovulatory cycle and had a good cry. I felt like my period was coming by day 28 so it was without any real expectations that I took a pregnancy test. One stupid purple line appeared, all alone, to let me know the test was working, my body was not.
A few days later I took yet another test and saw yet another solitary line. I figured that if I was pregnant I’d know by then. By now I was feeling tired, crabby and my breasts hurt. I wished my period would just start already so I could move on to the next cycle. Nothing. Finally on Janaury 31, about 4 days after my period should have started, I took yet another test just for the heck of it. Suddenly, a second line appeared on the stick. Whoa! I knew false positives are rare, but was there really any chance that I was actually pregnant? Afraid to hope, yet slowly wanting to believe, I took the test with me back to our bedroom to show my husband. He too was wondering whether to believe this little stick.
An hour later I took a second test, then a third a little while after that. Three positives. I fell asleep for an hour or so and then took a fourth test. All of them had 2 lines! I was starting to believe, but so afraid that I would lose this baby. My husband and I prayed together and I felt an immediate reassurance that this baby was meant to BE. Still doubting, I went to the hospital for a blood test that evening. When the lab finally confirmed the results by phone, I finally believed that this was really happening for me.
I am so lucky to be a mama. Aren’t we all?
