Theoretical Motherhood
Every teenager is a perfect driver until they are behind the wheel for the first time. Likewise, being a mother is easier before your baby is born. For that matter, being a mom is easier before you get pregnant. My baby isn’t due for months and I have already compromised my parenting ideals.
I am far from naive about the realities and joys of raising children. The middle child of 7 siblings, I was very, very involved in taking care of my little sister who is 13 years younger than I am – as well as my 15 nieces and nephews. I babysat often in high school and college, spent a semester teaching preschool. I did a 4 year stint as a live in nanny, working as many as 60 hours a week, followed by a year of working as a full-time temporary nanny for families who needed child care on short notice. In all, I have taken care of over 200 children.
Before I was pregnant I was sure I’d eat perfectly nutritious meals and avoid anything artificial. I’d exercise regularly and busily prepare myself for a peaceful home birth. Well, pregnancy has run over me like stampeding caribou. The first two weeks after I found out I was pregnant I had a terrible cold. I tried not to use any cold medications the first night. I spent a miserable night coughing and choking, having asthma attacks, and watching the bright red numbers on the clock change ever so slowly. The next 10 days I took cough syrup and decongestants recommended by my doctor. I slept 18 or more hours a day and praised the inventor of cough syrup in my few conscious moments.
Pregnancy has brought out my allergies and asthma with a vengeance. After 3 years with no maintenance asthma meds, I am having to take daily meds, in addition to my thyroid pill and the baby aspirin my doctor recommended for my blood pressure. Recently I have discovered that I sleep better at night if I take one Sudafed before bed. I took one pill for my breathing a few nights ago and the next morning realized that it was the first night I had slept more than 4 hours straight through in weeks. Best of all, it makes my carpal tunnel hurt less, so I am no longer waking every hour all night long from the pain in my hands. After three peaceful nights I tried sleeping without the Sudafed. It was a miserable night. So, I talked to my midwife. She pointed out that I was probably doing the baby (and myself) more harm with lack of sleep and the constant flood of pain hormones than I could ever do with a moderate amount of a drug that is generally recognized as safe in pregnancy.
I had to make a similar decision about food. I want to eat natural, pure foods and have a perfectly balanced diet every day. My body has other ideas. Many times when I was seriously sick to my stomach but knew I HAD to eat or I’d just keep getting sicker, I decided to eat whatever would stay down. Sometimes that meant mint ice cream constituted a meal, other days all I wanted was fruit and vegetables. Either way, it seems to balance out. Although, my last trip to the grocery store looked like I had done half the grocery shopping: tomatoes, cauliflower, cucumbers, green onions, cottage cheese…and a 5 year old had done half the shopping: frozen pizza, potato chips, gummy bears, ice cream….
