Gratitude at 3 AM

It is 3 AM and I am humbly gazing at a sleeping angel.

Eva was awake almost all day. Good, I thought, she is maturing a bit and can be awake longer. She was in a pretty good mood, so we did our best to entertain her and thought not too much about it. Then bedtime rolled around. Sleep comes early here whenever possible since James has to be up at 5:30 AM. Usually Eva is a little hard to settle for the night, but once she is asleep she sleeps well at night. Not tonight. Nine came and went, then ten, then midnight. My little girl got fussier and kept insisting that she was calorically deprived and needed to eat NOW, NOW, NOW. Her normally sunny demeanor was clouding up and this mama is tired from a long day.

Around 2 AM, as I rocked her to sleep yet again, I suddenly realized what I was thinking. “I hope she goes to sleep soon so I can get some work done while it is quiet.” Here I was, rocking the baby I had dreamed of and prayed for all those years. She was real and snuggled against me. She will never be 6 weeks old again. Already she has grown. Even if I have other babies, I’ll never again have this amazing soul looking at me through big blue eyes just this way again. This moment really is just once and I was willing it away so I could focus on work!

So, I relaxed into the soft embrace of the rocking chair and buried my nose in the sweet, almost blond fluff on her head. I sang her the songs my mother used to sing to me. I held her close and instead of willing the moment away, I thanked God for this baby as I softly whispered to her how much I love her and how long I had waited for just this time. I am one lucky mama indeed.