Jami and Eva on Jami's Birth Day

I read books. It is an amazing thing to see the baby you once rocked to sleep, now cradling her own baby. She lives an hour away now, so I could not leave Eva to go and be with her. She called me every few hours to ask questions or let us know her progress. I worried so much that my mom had to talk me out of driving to Ogden in a snowstorm to go be at the hospital. (My mother is on oxygen so she was not able to be out of the house long enough to be with her during labor.) I couldn’t sleep most of the night, praying that she and her little girl would be ok. I was so relieved when her husband was finally able to call and let us know that mother and baby were healthy and doing fine.

My mom and I took Eva with us to go visit. Eva was just one ounce less than Jami and a half an inch taller at birth, so it was amazing to see how much she has grown in just 3 months.

I got yer back, lil' cousin!

Eva, older and wiser, is already taking a protective stance with her little cousin.

I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome), a leading cause of infertility, when I was 19. I am now 36 and just had my first baby. During all those years of infertility, I was told over and over again that I would need medical intervention if I were to have children. I had surgery on my fallopian tubes and ovaries, took drugs to treat PCOS, and underwent painful tests to find out if I had other fertility issues. During my previous marriage I even used Clomid and Femara, two common fertility drugs, and had an IUI (intruterine insemination) with no luck. I think I felt that if I had to get pregnant with medical intervention, that at least I could give birth naturally, without intervention. So, I had decided on a home birth with a midwife long before I got pregnant.

When I remarried last fall, I was pleasantly surprised to find that my husband was supportive of the idea of a home birth. We had no idea I would get pregnant so easily, just 4 months after we were married I was staring in disbelief at two pink lines on a pregancy test. I had never seen one of those tests with TWO lines before! Shortly after the pregnancy was confirmed, I was looking for a midwife. I found a midiwfe I felt comfortable with and she recommended Hypnobabies. The situation with the midwife went south for reasons unrelated to the pregnancy. I was very upset that I had lost my home birth and I was not able to afford to pay a second midwife, so I resigned myself to a hospital birth.

My OB agreed to my use of Hypnobabies and agreed that I could labor without an IV and also suggested that I just sneak in food to deal with the issue of the hospital policy against laboring mothers eating. She also suggested waiting as long as possible before going to the hospital to avoid interventions. It looked like I was at least going to get some of what I wanted. I started studying the Hypnobabies program and trying to prepare for a natural birth.

Then I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. The OB insisted that there was no safe way to labor without a 24 hour fetal monitor and an insulin IV – and there was to be NO food at all since I had a 50 percent chance of a C-section. A second doctor who saw me while I was in the hospital getting the diabetes under control also came up with same risk of a C-section without even talking to my doctor, so I was feeling a lot of pressure.

Suddenly, the natural birth was going out the window. I knew I could deal with the pain better if I could eat, move, take a shower, etc. Being tied down and starving? Not a good plan for me. I asked the OB how long I should wait to come to the hospital once I was in labor. She matter-of-factly explained that there was no way I would be pregnant long enough to go into labor on my own. Like it or not, I would likely need an induction.

Along the way there were other medical scares as my blood pressure went up and down (one day it went as high as 169/94 but dropped when I went to the hospital), I started retaining huge amounts of water and I was diagnosed with Group B Strep (a very common diagnosis, but it means IV antibiotics and I recently heard from someone who had a stillbirth due to a very rare complication from Group B).

I tried to keep up with the Hypnobabies scripts, but I found them harder and harder to listen to. While the CD was saying things like, “My baby and I are safe,” my mind was screaming, “How do I know?” When the CD said, “You are feeling better and better with each pressure wave [contraction],” I wanted to say, “who are you kidding!” When I tried to do the fear release CD, I was supposed to picture and release my biggest fears. I simply could not let go of that C-section threat or the fear of tearing since the OB had basically said, “Pretty much everyone tears some.” At the time, I was really frustrated and not sure what to do. Now, after having the baby, I think my mind was telling me that those scripts just were not accurate for me.

So, did Hypnobabies work for me? Much of the time when I listened to them while I was pregnant, I was able to relax enough to fall asleep. That alone was a major bonus during the stressful final weeks. I do believe that it helped me to reframe some of my thoughts on childbirth. My mother had three really trauamatic births and kept trying to prepare me for the “inevitable” even though at about 6 weeks pregnant I asked her to stop telling me I would need an epidural. The CDs did help me relax some during the night before the birth when I was in labor and not yet realizing it.

The real benefit of Hypnobabies was that it helped me to push my baby out without “purple pushing” or pushing until I was purple in the face as the nurse told me to do. I avoided the C-section. I did not have any significant tearing. The doctor was very surprised by how quickly I was able to deliver the baby. She said that she expected me to be in labor “at least another 12 hours.” She and the nurse were both very surprised by the way I pushed Eva out. They both said that in 12 years of practice they had never seen someone successfully deliver a baby that way. They referred to it as “hypnobreathing” her out. The doctor said over and over that she was so impressed that I was able to do that.

 So, I had a cytotec induced labor, artificial rupture of membranes, pitocin, an epidural and narcotics. Not my idea of an ideal birth. On the other hand, I had a vaginal delivery in a relatively short amount of time, over an intact perineum, and my baby is healthy. My recovery has also been very fast and I was able to avoid closing my web sites because I was up and around so quickly. I consider that a successful birth and I do think Hypnobabies helped me get there.

My advice, if you are considering Hypnobabies:

• Be diligent about daily practice and study. It would have helped me more if I had spent more time practicing.
• Consider a live course. While the self-study program works for lots of people, it was hard for me because once the doubts started creeping in, I would have benefited from having someone to answer my questions in person.
• Join the Yahoo Group for Hypnobabies, the support is very helpful.
• Write some of your own affirmations and scripts if the ones on the CDs don’t work for you. I think I would have resisted less if I had made my own CD of affirmations that rang true for me and my situation.
• Visualize a good birth even with medical help. Focusing on what I wanted helped me deal with the stuff I did not want.
• Get your husband/partner/doula on board. We had so much going on those last several weeks that we did not practice the scripts together.

You can learn more about Hypnobabies here.

I was somewhat surprised when the nurse told me I was completely dilated. I had gone from just over 1 CM at 9:30 AM to fuly dilated by 2:45 PM. Anything less than one centimeter per hour is considered failure to progress by most doctors, so to go from barely any extra dilation for nine and half hours to full dilation (10 centimeters) after about 5 hours made me feel pretty good. I think the key for me was that the epidural allowed me to relax and let my body do it’s thing. No matter how hard I tried, when I was in pain and worried about what was coming next, I just could not relax. I had given up on the Hypnobabies CDs before they broke the membranes as I just could not focus enough on them to do me much good at that point.

After announcing that I was fully dilated, the nurse started prepping things for delivery while waiting for the student nurse to return. Just before 3 PM the student arrived and all was ready. Then the nurse announced that she wanted me to hold my breath and count to ten as I pushed. I flatly announced that I was going to do no such thing. I explained that I have asthma, that holding my breath is next to impossible for me and that I had read that it is unhealthy for me or the baby. I had been on oxygen most of the day to help keep the baby’s heart rate normal, so why would holding my breath while I exerted that much effort be a good plan? The nurse insisted that there was no other way, but I told her I wanted to try anyway. To demonstrate, I tried holding my breath for a few seconds. Predictably, I ended up coughing and gagging. So, she consented.

I was not thrilled with having to push while on my back, but the epidural pretty much dictated that for me. The really annoying thing about the epidural was that I could not feel anything in my lower abdomen. The nurse kept telling me to use this muscle or that muscle, but I could not feel them so how could I tell if I was using them? The good thing was that I could concentrate on pushing, not on pain. My husband ended up holding one leg for me while the student nurse held up the other leg. There were handholds in the lower part of the bed and I used those a lot to help pull myself forward while I pushed.

I took deep breaths and pushed as I exhaled in small breaths. To the nurse’s great surprise, it worked! The easy part was gettingthe baby’s head into the birth canal. That only took 45 minutes. Then she got stuck. The nurse said she was stuck on a band of tissue, but judging from the bruise on the back of her head, I think she was hitting my pubic bone. It took another 45 minutes to get her loose from wherever she was stuck. The nurse went running to call the doctor as soon as it was clear that the baby was on the move. By then it was almost too late. Eva had her feet pushing on my ribs as hard as she could and my body kind of took over after that. After an hour and half of telling me to push, everyone was telling me not to push. At that point, I could feel some pressure as the baby’s head moved forward. I kept telling them that she was coming out whether they liked it or not. A couple more nurses came into the room and they kept telling me not to laugh, breathe or push. That struck me as funny, so I could not help laughing. Slowly, a quarter of an inch at a time, I could feel that head moving and those little feet kicking like she was trying to swim her way to the surface.

The doctor came running into the room and barely had time to put gloves on before Eva came sliding out so fast the doctor had to catch her. I had succesfully given birth without any external tearing and only needed two small stitches inside. They put little Eva on my chest and the nurse put my oxygen mask on the baby while James cut the cord. She opened her eyes and looked at me for a few seconds before the nurse was taking her. I asked if she could stay for just a minute and they said no so gently I realized something was not right.

There is no time period so long as when you are waiting to hear if your baby is ok. They took her to the bassinet and started working to clear her lungs. Suddenly there were several extra people in the room. As the doctor delivered the placenta and stitched me up, all I could focus on was the tiny pair of pink legs I could see across the room. Everyone was talking about what might be happening with the baby and whether she was ok. They talked about what points they were going to take off her Apgar score for tone and why her breathing was so congested. A few minutes later someone came from the nursery to ask why they had not gotten the emergency transfer baby yet. Then the delivery nurse asked, “Didn’t you say that you and your husband both have eye problems? What exactly do you have?” I explained that James’ eyes twitch when he is under stress and that my eye muscles are weak and don’t track well when I am tired. She said, “I think that’s it! When a baby’s eyes move like that it usually means they are in shock, I think she just has your eye problem.”

After clearing her lungs of fluid and checking her over, they decided that she was ok after all. I have never been so relieved! Finally they handed me a little bundle of blanket wrapped baby. I still could not believe she was real, even as tears began to flow. The next few days were filled with more worries about her as she had trouble learning to eat and we had to keep her under lights for jaundice. It was not until she was 5 days old that I finally let myself believe that she was real and she was staying.

All those years of infertility, of wondering if I would ever get pregnant or if I could carry a baby to term kept me from really accepting the reality of the pregnancy once it did happen. From the first positive test through the doctor who told me at 5 weeks that we could not even be sure the baby was viable even if I was pregnant. The bleeding scare at 10 weeks that lead to the first ultrasound where we got to see her moving, through 5 months of throwing up and then the diagnosis of gestational diabetes. The doctor telling us that I had a 50 percent chance of a C-section, the weekly tests and ultrasounds to see if she was healthy and growing properly. My fears about the delivery. The many women I know who have had miscarriages or stillbirths, friends with babies who need surgery or have other scary problems after birth. Through all of these things and all of these fears, I held back from believing that I really could be so blessed with this tiny miracle.

Once I got her to start eating regularly and the doctor had us take her off the bili-lights, I was finally able to relax. The afternoon of her fifth day I found myself alone with my sleeping baby. I looked down at her tiny, perfect little face and I cried. Somehow, after all the hurt and worry, here she was. A miracle called Eva.

I was supposed to check into the hospital at 9 PM. We were 3 hours late since I really wanted to get as many orders out as possible so I could relax.

Within minutes after arrival, I was hooked up to the fetal monitor on one side of the bed and an IV pole with several bags of meds on the other side of the bed. That pretty much rendered me immobile. I really, really hate needles so getting an IV is very stressful for me. The nurse tried to put the IV in my arm, but her first attempt to find a vein was unsuccessful (ouch!) so she put it in the back of my left hand. So, now I was immobile and one-handed.

Suddenly my arm started to hurt just above the IV. The pain was unbearable. It was all I could do not to rip out the IV or scream, my husband had to call the nurse for me. Apparently this is a “normal” reaction to penicillin IVs. Once the solution was diluted a bit the pain slowly went away. It happened a few more times during the night and the next day, when the solution got too strong again, but never got that intense again.

They then gave me cytotec to start getting things closer to labor. I didn’t realize it at the time, but it actually started my labor very quickly after the first dose. I knew I was in more pain with each contraction, but I never really caught the moment when things went from “prelabor” to “labor.” Even going to the bathroom was difficult because my back was giving out and each trip meant getting a nurse to unhook the monitors and help me move the heavy IV pole to the bathroom. Eva would not stay put on the monitor, so they were not able to get a continuous heart rate for her.

I had studied the Hypnobabies childbirth hypnosis course, but I never spent the time on it that I should have. First, I got the course later in my pregnancy than I planned (around 28 weeks). Then, once I found out I had gestational diabetes the course was very hard for me to stick with as it is very pro-natural and by that point I knew I was looking at a lot of  interventions. I did find the CDs helpful for relaxing during the early hours of labor, but I was not disciplined enough to use them after things really got moving.

Knowing that my body does not react well to starvation, I had packed some small snacks. I did not want to spike my blood sugar and have the nurses freak out, but I also knew that going that many hours without food was going to wear me out and make it harder for me to do what I needed to do to deliver this baby. So, I had a small amount of cheese and a few crackers a couple of times during the night – despite the hospital’s outdated rule against any food for laboring mothers. I really believe this helped keep my sanity when my blood sugar started to drop.

Around 3:00 AM the nurse tested my blood sugar. It was at 76. I already knew that around a blood sugar of 80 I get very emotionally unstable. I asked how much lower they would allow it to go before they did something about it (at this point I was getting insulin, saline, and penicillin, but no glucose to counteract the insulin). I knew my blood sugars were going lower, I could feel myself losing my ability to cope. By 4 AM when she came back to test me again, my blood sugar had dropped to 74. She did not mention doing anything to help, just told me what it was and left the room. Thinking I had another hour of this getting worse before they tested me again and finally DID something to help, I started to panic. The pain was getting worse and no one said anything about me actually being in labor at that point, I just felt almost continuous pain. I started crying. This woke my husband (I had asked him to try to sleep so he would be better able to help me when I really needed it). He started looking at the monitor and told me that he could see the contractions were 3-5 minutes apart and getting stronger. Suddenly it clicked that I was actually in labor and that is why the pain was getting worse. Listening to the Hypnobabies CDs at this point did relax me some, but not enough to sleep.

Around 6 AM the nurse came in and told me she had spoken to my doctor and that they were going to rupture the membranes so they could place an internal monitor. Did I want the epidural before or after they ruptured my membranes? I was hungry, had been awake for more than 24 hours, and the pain was already reaching the point where I was struggling to deal with it. I decided not to get the epidural. At 7 AM the doctor came in and ruptured my membranes. I was still just barely more than one centimeter dilated, after all those hours of labor.

I got up to use the bathroom and found I was barely able to move because the contractions were so strong. I decided to get the epidural. I knew that things would only get more intense once they started the pitocin. Of course, by that time the anesthesiologist was in surgery. The contractions started to come so fast they were less than a minute apart. With no amniotic fluid to cushion things, the pain was unbearable. I rolled onto my side and asked my husband to push on my back during contractions. Since the were so close together, he was not able to leave my side to even get me ice chips from the other side of the room before the next contraction started up. When he had to use the bathroom I was only able to rock back and forth to distract myself from the pain as contraction after contraction hit me. This was not what I had envisioned, and I knew I needed that epidural. I

At that point I accepted the nurse’s offer of an IV drug to relieve the pain somewhat. She warned me that it did not really help with the pain, but that patient’s described it as more of a “I don’t care anymore.” Thankfully, it made me drowsy and actually did seem to shorten the contractions a bit.

Finally, about 9:30 AM the anesthesiologist was able to come in. By then I was exhausted and unable to hold still while he put the needle in. He was really good at what he was doing, but I was struggling to hold still during the nearly constant contractions. His first attempt made it feel like there was electricity shooting down my left leg. The second attempt ended up in a blood vessel. The third attempt finally worked and I could feel the numbness starting as they helped me to get back into a reclining postion. Soon I was dozing off between the blood tests and other things the nurses were doing. I actually managed to sleep on and off through most of the day until the nurse told me I was fully dilated.

 Everyone tells me this will all be worth it. I am sure it will be. I’m just ready for it to be worth it NOW…

Seriously though, I am thrilled that we are down to about 5 weeks left (provided the doctor is right that we will likely need to induce by 38 weeks due to some of the complications I am having). I am alternating between sheer panic (The cloth diaper seller’s baby will have no diapers! How will I get all of this done in 5 weeks!? What if she is a high needs baby? What if I come out on the losing end of the 50% C-section risk the doctor says I have?) and relief that the prenatal worrying will finally give way to the real mommy worrying (Is she eating enough? Is she breathing? When is she gonna go to sleep?).

 I am officially 30 weeks along, but with all that is going on the doctor agreed that there is a good chance I’ll end up needing an early induction. So, I am planning for her to arrive closer to the end of September rather than mid-October.

I had really had my heart set on a natural, home birth. Now I am seriously considering an early induction and I know I’ll need an insulin drip and a constant fetal monitor. This has been a hard change to swallow, but I am getting more used to it all as I get increasingly more uncomfortable and the shots are taking up so much of my day to day planning.

 The good thing is we know for sure our dates are correct, as we have had 7 ultrasounds so far and she is always measuring perfectly for the dates.

I had planned on a difficult time conceiving, since none of the previous interventions had worked. I was counting on a natural, healthy pregnancy. Instead, I got a natural, easy conception and a rough pregnancy with lots of interventions and a potentially very medical delivery.

I guess if I can get used to 4 daily shots, I can get used to the idea of an IV and whatever else becomes necessary.

I am so grateful that through all of this little Eva is as healthy as can be. She is incredibly active, her heart rate is always perfect, and ultrasounds show a healthy, perfectly formed little girl. Despite all of the difficulties, I can’t ask for more than that.

I was pleasantly surprised that I did not feel as sick as I expected to feel. I haven’t eaten sugar on an empty stomach in years because I know it makes me sick. The glucose drink was nasty, and it made my stomach hurt, but it didn’t make me throw up like I was afraid it would.

I had two days for the results, so by Friday I was pretty anxious for the answer. I called my doctor’s office and I was told that no one there would give me the results since my doctor and her nurse were out of the office. I protested, but was told there was nothing they could do until Tuesday when I was scheduled to see a different nurse. I hung up and had a panic attack. I intuitively felt that I needed those results that day. I called back and left a message on the urgent care line, saying I really needed to reduce my stress by getting those numbers before the weekend. I totally stressed out for the next 20 minutes, I just knew I needed the results before the weekend.

Finally, a very helpful nurse called me back. Not only had I failed the test, I had failed spectacularly. A diagnosis of gestational diabetes requires failing two of the four blood draws. I failed all four of them. One by almost 100 points.

The nurse explained the kind of diet I would need, said she’d make an appointment with a dietician and told me to have a good weekend. Less than two hours later my phone rang again. The doctor on call wanted me to go to the hospital for two days as soon as possible to stabilize my blood sugar and teach  me how to deal with diabetes. Whoa! Do it because you love your baby she said, thanks, needed the guilt.

The on call doctor today (Sunday) told me that in 12 years he has never seen someone fail all 4 blood draws on a 3 hour glucose tolerance test. Lucky me, I was the first!

So, here I sit, sticking my fingers 10 or more times a day and giving myself shots in the stomach. Now they are telling me that I will likely be here longer than 3 days. I feel too well to be in the hospital, but I know I need to be monitored while I figure all of this out.

I figure I am not alone in having these sort of dreams, and I think I know why I am having them. First, owning a small business is stressful. Owning more than one is controlled chaos some days. So, the idea of having a job where I am paid for only what I am best at is very appealing. A job where I don’t have to worry about all of the other stuff (bookkeeping, for instance) sounds like a great idea some days. In my heart, though, I know I am not ready to be an employee again any time soon. Heaven knows I could not hold a job with as sick as I have been the last 4 months. I also really don’t want to put Eva in day care, so a traditional job is not really what I want right now.

I think the second reason is really the main reason I keep having these dreams. I know I have missed my chance to run away and join the circus. Not that I want or need to join the circus, just that my choices are limited more by doing this one thing than anything I have ever done. No longer is my life solely mine to play with, now I am somebody’s mother. I have responsibilities now that are bigger than anything I have ever done.

The thing is, I am known for making bold decisions and taking some pretty big risks with my life. I change careers, move cross country, or even get married, in less time than it takes most people to buy a car. Even more so, I am known for dreaming about making huge life changes. Life is a buffet and I intend to make the most of it. I am always looking for the next experience.

Don’t get me wrong. I am thrilled to finally be a mother. I have wanted this since I was 2 years old. It is an adventure and a dream come true. Nor am I saying that I must cease dreaming or taking risks now that I am a mom. However, I know that some dreams must be put aside. Some risks are too much for me now. I need to consider someone else’s well-being before I make decisions now. To be the mother I want to be, to give Eva the life I want for her, I need to make “grown-up” decisions. Time and money (and fear for my daughter’s safety)won’t allow me to bike across Europe or hike the Appalachian Trail any time soon. I can’t uproot my life and move in with friend’s in another state just to see whether I like it. I can’t just decide to sell all my businesses and start something new overnight (a temptation every time I get an email from a cranky customer or a supplier increases prices-again!). Going back to school, starting a different business, or taking an extended trip are all still possible as a mom, but they require more planning and thought when you are responsible for someone else.

What are the odds of my doing any of these things any time soon? I had no immediate plans to join the circus the week before I got pregnant. With or without a baby I am unlikely to join the circus in the next year. The key is that I have to be a “grown-up” now. Somebody I love with all my heart will be depending on me to make the best decisions possible and to put her needs above my own. Wonderful and awe-inspiring at the same time. Being a mom is better than any circus I could join.

I asked my mom if she wanted to come to the ultrasound. I figured she would like to see one live since she has a lot of grandchildren (17 counting Eva) and has not yet seen a live ultrasound. She said she was glad to be there, but it was hard on her. Every time the technician said she was going to check for something like heart problems or cleft lip, my mother would hold her breath until all was pronounced good. I had already seen most of Eva on the 16 week ultrasound so I was not expecting any real problems. Still, it was a relief as each little part was cleared and we were told that everything was perfectly healthy.

The other good news…my blood pressure spontaneously dropped from 140/90 to 101/64. I have been taking extra calcium, eating tons of protein and drinking LOTS of water, but I am not sure how much is just my body adjusting to pregnancy and how much is due to my good efforts.

Scary though, I had serious cramping Sunday for about 6 hours. It eventually stopped when I took a nice long nap, but it made me nervous. By the time I managed to reach my midwife the cramps had stopped but she was more worried than I had been. I guess I tend to under-react for fear of overreacting. The midwife came to check my cervix and everything else at 9:30 PM on a Sunday. Find a doctor that will do that! Everything was fine and I just got a little lecture on why I SHOULD overreact sometimes and that if it happened again I was to get off my feet immediately and call the midwife if it lasted longer than 2 hours.

I am far from naive about the realities and joys of raising children. The middle child of 7 siblings, I was very, very involved in taking care of my little sister who is 13 years younger than I am – as well as my 15 nieces and nephews. I babysat often in high school and college, spent a semester teaching preschool. I did a 4 year stint as a live in nanny, working as many as 60 hours a week, followed by a year of working as a full-time temporary nanny for families who needed child care on short notice. In all, I have taken care of over 200 children.

Before I was pregnant I was sure I’d eat perfectly nutritious meals and avoid anything artificial. I’d exercise regularly and busily prepare myself for a peaceful home birth. Well, pregnancy has run over me like stampeding caribou. The first two weeks after I found out I was pregnant I had a terrible cold. I tried not to use any cold medications the first night. I spent a miserable night coughing and choking, having asthma attacks, and watching the bright red numbers on the clock change ever so slowly. The next 10 days I took cough syrup and decongestants recommended by my doctor. I slept 18 or more hours a day and praised the inventor of cough syrup in my few conscious moments.

Pregnancy has brought out my allergies and asthma with a vengeance. After 3 years with no maintenance asthma meds, I am having to take daily meds, in addition to my thyroid pill and the baby aspirin my doctor recommended for my blood pressure. Recently I have discovered that I sleep better at night if I take one Sudafed before bed. I took one pill for my breathing a few nights ago and the next morning realized that it was the first night I had slept more than 4 hours straight through in weeks. Best of all, it makes my carpal tunnel hurt less, so I am no longer waking every hour all night long from the pain in my hands. After three peaceful nights I tried sleeping without the Sudafed. It was a miserable night. So, I talked to my midwife. She pointed out that I was probably doing the baby (and myself) more harm with lack of sleep and the constant flood of pain hormones than I could ever do with a moderate amount of a drug that is generally recognized as safe in pregnancy.

I had to make a similar decision about food. I want to eat natural, pure foods and have a perfectly balanced diet every day. My body has other ideas. Many times when I was seriously sick to my stomach but knew I HAD to eat or I’d just keep getting sicker, I decided to eat whatever would stay down. Sometimes that meant mint ice cream constituted a meal, other days all I wanted was fruit and vegetables. Either way, it seems to balance out. Although, my last trip to the grocery store looked like I had done half the grocery shopping: tomatoes, cauliflower, cucumbers, green onions, cottage cheese…and a 5 year old had done half the shopping: frozen pizza, potato chips, gummy bears, ice cream….